Romance in Islam

Romance in Islam 

الرومانسية في الإسلام باللغة الإنجليزية

By:

Dr. Abd Ar-Rahman bin Abd Al-Karim Ash-Sheha

Translated by:

Abd Ar-Rahmaan Murad

Reviewed by:

Qudsia Karimi

WWW.ISLAMLAND.COM

Table of Contents

1. Introduction…………………………………………...3

2. General Qualities of a Passionate Muslim…………...6

3. Importance of Recreational Activities………….......19

4. The Wives of the Prophet and Recreation……….....22

5. Issues of Intimacy and Compassion in Islam……... 25

6. The Compassion of the Prophet…………………….28

7. The Human Nature of the Prophet………….……... 35

8. The Prophet’s Humane Behavior…………………...38

9. The Prophet’s Social Side………………….……….. 48

10. Conclusion…..………………………………………56

Introduction

In this book we will openly discuss issues that pertain to ‘romance in Islam’. It is important for anyone seeking insight into the religion of Islam that they understand that Islam is not simply a ‘religion’, it is a way of life. The Prophet r[1] was very keen in instilling high moral character in his Companions y[2] and he himself lived by a high moral standard. God, the Exalted, says:

“You have indeed in the Prophet of God a good example for those of you who look to God and the Last Day, and remember God always.” (33:21)

The ‘good example’ the Prophet r left is a way of life, which also touches on the ‘sensitive side’ of a relationship between husband and wife.   

The best way to highlight this topic is by mentioning the various situations in which the Prophet r displayed these beautiful manners. God, the Exalted, says about Prophet Muhammad r:

“And indeed, you are of a great moral character.” (68:4) 

Prophet Muhammad r conveyed the entire message that God revealed to him. He never withheld any portion of it, whether it was of a public or private nature. Every action the Prophet r performed, statement he said and approval he issued are the legal grounds of Islamic Judicial law. A Muslim believes that when they uphold the example of the Prophet r they would achieve the pleasure of God and would be blessed with entry into the Heavenly Abode. God, the Exalted, says:

“Say, ‘if you love God, follow me and God will love you and forgive you your sins. God is most forgiving, and most merciful.’” (3:31)

The bond between Muslims and God is based on love; a Muslim performs all that he is instructed with and refrains from what he has been forbidden from on account of love. It is on account of love that a person is able to go beyond base human desires and uphold an ethical code of manners that is based on mercy and affection towards others. One of the highest forms of love is when a believer favors the Prophet r over himself and is able to let go of worldly possessions for the sake of God. God, the Exalted, says:

 “Say, "If your fathers and your sons and your brothers and your spouses and your tribe, and the worldly goods which you have acquired, and the commerce which you fear will decline, and the homes you love are dearer to you than God and His Messenger and the struggle for His cause, then wait until God fulfills His decree. God does not guide the disobedient people."” (9:24)

Islam is not a religion of difficulty; rather, it is a simple way of life. Everything that occurs in the course of a Muslim’s life has a reference in Islam, so Islam not only propagates beliefs, judicial laws and mannerisms, but it also touches on the finer aspects of life, such as character building and raising one’s self-esteem. It also clarifies in great detail how one is to behave with their family and those around them. In general, Islam guides a community to become civilized in all aspects. It is unbecoming of a believer to be civilized at certain times and uncivilized at others. The Prophet r said: “Shall I not inform you of the true believer? He is one whom people entrust their wealth and lives with; whereas a Muslim is one whom others feel safe from his physical and verbal abuse.” (Silsilah #549)

General Qualities of a Passionate Muslim

A passionate Muslim is also one who loves righteous deeds and tries his best to extend kindness to others without seeking any compensation. The Prophet r said: “Be happy with what God has provided you and you shall be the richest of people. Love for others what you love for yourself and you shall be a true Muslim.” (Sahih al-Jami #100)

A passionate Muslim is impartial when he deals with all people, even with his enemies. The Prophet r would always remind any army he sent forth: “Do not kill any children, women, or elderly. Do not cut down a tree, except one that impedes your movement. Do not mutilate or kill any animal and do not become deceitful.” (Baihaqi #9/91)

A passionate Muslim is one who protects his environment and stands against any form of cruelty. The Prophet r passed by a people who were about to brand a donkey on its face and he said: “Has it not reached you that I have cursed anyone who brands a donkey on its face or hits it on its face?” (Abu Dawood #2564)  

A passionate Muslim will not hunt simply for thrill seeking. Abdullah bin Masood t said: “We accompanied the Messenger of Allah r on a trip and we saw a bird with its hatchlings and some of us took the hatchlings. The mother bird began searching frantically for them. When the Prophet r saw this, he said: “Who has frightened this bird! Give it back its hatchlings!” (Abu Dawood #2673)

Similar to this incident is what the Prophet r said upon seeing an ant hill that was set on fire. He r said: “Who burnt this?” The Companions y said: “We did O Messenger of Allah!”  He r then said: “It is not befitting (for you) to harm anything with fire, as this is the right of God alone!” (Abu Dawood #2675)

A passionate Muslim maintains and preserves public facilities and does not misuse them. It is prohibited for a Muslim to litter and toss trash in public places; for the Prophet r said: “Beware of the two accursed actions; one who relieves himself on a pathway used by people and or one who does so in a shaded area.” (Abu Dawood #25)

A passionate Muslim goes a step further; he removes harmful objects from the pathway of people. The Prophet r said: “Removing harmful objects from the pathway of people is a charitable act.” (Abu Dawood #5243)

A passionate Muslim conserves resources that will maintain the health and well-being of the environment. The Prophet r said: “Do not cut down a tree that bears fruit, do not kill an animal without due reason and do not harm a believer.” (Abu Dawood #398)

A passionate Muslim advocates for the protection of the environment; not only by word of mouth but through action as well. The Prophet r said: “If the Final Hour is established and one of you has a seedling in his hand, let him plant it.” (Silsilah #9)

A passionate Muslim also conserves water. He conserves it and protects it from being rendered unusable. Jabir t said: “The Prophet r forbade that one urinate in a pool of stagnant water.” (Muslim)

A passionate Muslim strives to provide water to every individual in need of it. It is unlawful for one to monopolize and sell these basic components of life, as the Prophet r said: “People are equal in three; herbage, water and fire.” (Abu Dawood #3477)

A passionate Muslim tries his best to conserve these three resources so that the entire community can benefit from them. One should not waste them for the Prophet r said to Sa’d t: “Do not waste water, even if you are using water from a running river.” (Ahmed #12/23)

The above points are a few of the beautiful, finer qualities a Muslim strives to uphold. Upholding these qualities would no doubt increase one’s faith and make them a better Muslim. God, the Exalted, says:

“Say, "If you love God, follow me and God will love you and forgive you your sins. God is most forgiving, and most merciful."” (3:31)

This is the nature of Islam! It nourishes the soul and uplifts an individual from his base desires to become a passionate believer in God. 

In this booklet, we will only talk about one aspect related to passion; regarding women. With the advent of Islam, the reign of oppression against women came to a sudden end. Women were elevated, given rights and treated as equals to their male counterparts. This is exemplified in the words of the second caliph in Islam, Umar t. He said: “By Allah, during the pre-Islamic era we didn’t regard women with any importance until Allah revealed what he had revealed and granted them the rights they were granted.” (Bukhari #4913)

With the advent of Islam, the Prophet r openly conveyed the rights of women; he also mentioned that a man would be favored in the sight of God on account of his good ethical behavior and treatment towards his womenfolk. The Prophet r said: “The best of you are the best to their womenfolk.” (Sahih al-Jami #3316)

In light of the Prophet’s instructions women held prestigious roles and were regarded highly; even men were not given such lofty regard! There are many narrations that speak of women’s status in Islam. The Prophet r said: “Treat women with kindness.” (Muslim #1468)

He r also said: “A noble is one who would treat his family well; whereas an ignoble is one who would ridicule them.” (Silsilah #845)

He r also said: “Believers with the most complete faith are the ones who possess good manners and are kind to their families.” (Tirmidthi #2612)

The Prophet r was very compassionate to any woman who approached him for help. Even when the elderly and mentally unstable women came to him he went out of his way to help them. Once a woman who was known to be mentally unstable sought the Prophet’s help and he gave her his complete attention and helped her! (Muslim #2326)

The Prophet r encouraged that one raise their daughters or sisters in the best manner. He r said: “Whoever raises two or three daughters or sisters until they get married or he dies while raising them, he will be in my company in Heaven.” (Targhib #1970)

Man-made barriers and preferential systems were discontinued; no longer was one considered of less importance on account of their skin-color, ethnicity, language or other similar barriers. The Prophet r made this very clear when the female care-taker of his Mosque had passed away. When he found out he was very upset as no one had informed him. He said: “You should have informed me!” He then proceeded to her grave and performed the funeral prayer on her. (Ibn Majah #1247)

Islam views men and women as equal; they are charged with similar duties. The Prophet r said: “Women are the twin halves of men.” (Abu Dawood #236) This narration signifies that they are equal to men in terms of the duties they are ordered to perform.  

The Prophet r also said: “The best thing for a man is (to get married to) a pious woman.” (Muslim #1467)

One of the greatest sources of happiness for a man is to have a pious woman by his side. The Prophet r said: “Four are from happiness; a pious woman, a wide living space, a good neighbor and a comfortable ride.” (Targheeb #2576)

The Prophet r considered marriage as the completion of half one’s faith. The Prophet r said: “When a person gets married he would have completed half his faith, so let him fear Allah in the other half.” (Sahih al-Jami #6148)

The Prophet r instructed Muslims to respect women as mothers. He ordered that one obey his mother and show her love and respect; furthermore, it is an obligation upon children to take care of her. This in itself is a great reason for one to be admitted into the Heavenly Garden. It has been said: “The Heavenly Garden is sought through one’s mother (i.e. by treating her well).”  

A mother should be respected more than a father. The Prophet r made this clear when a man asked him: “O Messenger of Allah who is the one most deserving of my good companionship?” The Prophet r answered: “Your mother.” He then asked: “Who is most deserving after her?” He r said: “Your Mother!” He then asked: “Who is most deserving after her?” He r said: “Your mother!” He then asked: “who is most deserving after her?” he said: “Your father.” (Bukhari #5971)  

The Prophet r instructed us to respect women as wives. He informed his Companions that he loved and respected his wife. When Amr b. Al-Aas t asked him: “Who is the most beloved of all people to you?” He said: “A’ishah!” He then responded, “I meant from among the men.” He said: “Then her father.” He asked: “Then who?” he said: “Then Umar”. (Bukhari #4358)

The Prophet r also respected women as daughters. A’ishah t said: “I have not seen anyone closer to the mannerisms and character of the Prophet r then Fatimah, daughter of the Prophet r. Whenever she visited the Prophet r the Prophet r stood up and embraced her. He then directed her to sit in his place.” (Tirmidthi #3872)

This is the manner in which the Prophet r treated women. The Prophet’s high ethical code and manner of behavior is actually taken from the words of Allah:

“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (4:19)

The exegete, Ibn Kathir, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “Speak in a respectful manner with them, treat them well and dress up in a pleasing manner; do for them what you would like done for yourself.”

Maintaining good manners is in itself highly rewarding. When the Companions learnt of this teaching, they made a point of upholding it, Ibn Abbas t said: “I indeed beautify myself for my wife, as I love her to do the same for me. It is not befitting of me to seek all my rights from my wife, for I would have to give her all her rights as well. Allah, the Exalted, says: “They have rights equal to your rights upon them.” (2:228)

A true, pious Muslim will indeed be the kindest individual to his family. Imam Ahmed, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “My beloved son, you will not achieve true happiness in your home except through ten things:

1 & 2: Women love to be pampered and they enjoy that their husbands express feelings of love towards them; so do not become a miser in this regard, for if you do this will create hard-feelings between the two of you.

3: Women hate strict men, and will readily serve men who are kind towards them; so deal with your wife wisely, for this will bring about love and a sense of contentment between spouses.

4: Women love to see from their husbands what their husbands love to see from them. Dressing well, smelling of a good fragrance are some of the issues a husband should uphold.

5: The home is the kingdom of a woman; within it, she should feel like a queen on a pedestal. Do not destroy that environment, for if you do she will harbor within herself feelings of enmity towards you, even if she doesn’t show it.

6: A woman enjoys the love of both her husband and her family. So do not place a proposition before her, ‘it’s either me or them!’ If she chooses you in this situation know that she will harbor hatred towards you day after day.

7: A woman is created from a ‘bent rib’ and this is the secret behind her beauty and allure. This is not a fault so do not become harsh towards her if she makes a mistake, for this may lead to breaking that bone, which is divorce. Do not overlook a mistake she does; rather, correct it in a good manner, for if you do not she would not listen to you thereafter.

8: It is within the nature of woman to forget the blessings extended towards them. One may show extreme kindness for a period of time, only for it to be forgotten. As well, if one makes a mistake once, they may say: “I have not seen any goodness from you.” Do not allow this manner and trait within her to cause you to hate her or abandon her. Indeed if you dislike one quality within her, there are many others that you will love.

9: A woman goes through periods of physical weakness and fatigue. It’s during these times that Allah alleviates some of the duties due upon her while others are due after that period of weakness. Be devout towards her during this time and do not impose many tasks upon her.

10: Know that a woman is like a captive. Be kind towards her and she will be the best thing a man can hope for during his life.

The same form of advice was given by many women towards their daughters. When the daughter of Umm E’yaas was married off to Amr bin Hajar, the King of Kinda, she said to her daughter: “My beloved daughter, I give you words of advice, consider them as a reminder: ‘My dear daughter, you have parted from an environment that you are accustomed to, to one that you are unaccustomed to. You will enter a home that is foreign to you. Be kind towards your husband and he will become kind towards you. My beloved daughter, remember these important traits and you will have a successful relationship:

*Be content with him and revere him.

*Always appear in the most beautiful manner before him and don’t have an unpleasant odor.

*Tend to him when he is about to sleep and is hungry.

*Do not disobey him, nor expose his secrets. If you do that, then you will not be safe from his treachery. Do not appear happy when he is in distress and do not become saddened when he is happy.’”

From this advice we can see the important role woman hold in Islam; indeed this negates the claim of anyone who claims women are oppressed in Islam.

Dear reader, as you progress through this booklet, you will learn about the passion of Prophet Muhammad r; in spite of his many duties, he never forgot about the importance of raising a good family. In fact, he r said: “The best of you are the best to his family.” (Tirmidthi #3895)

This is the scale through which people are judged; the best to their families are the most beloved to Allah. Due to the Prophet’s busy, difficult lifestyle Allah, the Exalted, commanded the Prophet r to give the choice to his wives to remain with him or leave him. A’ishah t said: “The Prophet started with me, and said: “I want to mention a matter to you; don’t rush and respond to me right away, instead take your time and seek your parents’ council.” Allah then revealed: “O Prophet, say to your wives, ‘If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release. But if you should desire Allah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter - then indeed, Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward.’” (33:28)

A’ishah t said: “O Messenger of Allah, why shall I seek the council of my parents! Indeed I want Allah, His Messenger, and the Next Life.” The same took place with the rest of the Prophet’s wives and they all chose to remain with him. (Muslim #1475)

This story indicates the love his wives had for him and how pleased they were with him. The Prophet r had no leverage to keep them ‘captive’ but instead allowed them to choose the course of life they wanted. The Prophet r was married to nine wives; they all lived a blissful, peaceful and romantic life with him.

The Prophet r is indeed the greatest individual known throughout the course of our history as is recognized by impartial non-Muslims. Thomas Carlyle, the famous Scottish writer, attested to this. He said in his book ‘Heroes, Hero-Worship, and the Heroic in History’:

'But, from an early age, he had been remarked as a thoughtful man. His companions named him "Al Amin, The Faithful." A man of truth and fidelity; true in what he did, in what he spoke and thought. They noted that he always meant something. A man rather taciturn in speech; silent when there was nothing to be said; but pertinent, wise, sincere, when he did speak; always throwing light on the matter. This is the only sort of speech worth speaking! Through life we find him to have been regarded as an altogether solid, brotherly, genuine man. A serious, sincere character; yet amiable, cordial, companionable, jocose even - a good laugh in him withal: there are men whose laugh is as untrue as anything about them; who cannot laugh. A spontaneous, passionate, yet just, true-meaning man! Full of wild faculty, fire and light; of wild worth, all uncultured; working out his life - takes in the depth of the Desert there.'

'They called him a prophet, you say? Why, he stood there face to face with them, here, not enshrined in any mystery, visibly clouting his own cloak, cobbling his own shoes, fighting, counseling ordering in the midst of them. They must have seen what kind of a man he was, let him be called what ye like. No emperor with his tiaras was obeyed as this man in a cloak of his own clouting. During three and twenty years of rough, actual trial, I find something of a veritable hero necessary for that of itself.'

Importance of Recreational Activities

Companions’ Recreation:

Islam instructs a Muslim to live a balanced life; therefore, it is important that one adopt a form of lawful recreation so that they do not become bored or lazy in their religious zeal. The Prophet r said: “Let it be an hour and an hour.”

Balancing life is a delicate matter; one must never become oblivious of God. During the early stages of Islam the Companions of the Prophet thought that Islam was a serious religion that had no room for recreational fun. Handhalah bin Hudhaim al-Hanafi t said: “Abu Bakr t met me and asked: ‘How are you O Handhalah?’ I dejectedly responded: ‘Handhalah has become a hypocrite!’ Abu Bakr t surprised by the response, exclaimed: ‘Subhanallah! (Far removed is Allah from every imperfection) Why do you say this?’ Handhalah said: ‘When we are with the Messenger of Allah r he reminds us of Heaven and Hell as though we can see it with our own eyes, but when we go back to our families we busy ourselves with our families and forget what he told us.’ Abu Bakr t said: ‘Indeed we experience the same thing as well!’ So Abu Bakr and Handhala went to the Prophet r to seek guidance in their affair. The Prophet r upon hearing what they were concerned with said: ‘By the One in Whose hands is my life, if you were to remain in the same religious condition with your families as you are in my presence Angels would descend from the Heavens to shake your hands! O Handhalah it is indeed an hour and an hour.’” (Muslim #2750)  

This refers to dividing one’s time properly and taking a break. The Prophet r went beyond this and indicated to all Muslims that bringing happiness to the lives of your family members and making them feel appreciated isn’t only a good act, but one that is highly rewarding in the sight of God! The Prophet r said: “Anything that is not considered from the remembrance of Allah is a form of idle play except for four things: When one spends time with his family, when one trains a horse, when one competes in a race and when one learns to swim.’ (Sahih al-Jami #4534) 

The cultural perception on ‘having fun’ was changed permanently when the Companions saw the Messenger of Allah r practicing what he preached. Jabir bin Samorah t said that the Messenger of Allah r would not leave the place of prayer until sunrise. When the sun rose, people would converse among themselves, at times they would reminisce about pre-Islamic events and the Prophet r would smile. (Muslim #2322)

The Prophet r also stressed the importance of taking a break and even obligated upon people to take time off for themselves, whereby they could indulge in lawful recreation. Look at what the Prophet r said to Abdullah bin Umar t: “O Abdullah, I hear that you perform prayers throughout the night and fast throughout the days?” He said: “Yes that is true, O Messenger of Allah!” The Messenger r said to him: “Do not do this, instead fast and don’t fast on certain occasions. Perform prayers and get some rest throughout the night as well, for indeed your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you and your guests have a right over you.” (Bukhari #1975)

The Wives of the Prophet and Recreational Fun

The Messenger of Allah r was extremely keen to involve his family in recreational fun. When one does this, it would bring about a sense of love and respect among family members. A’ishah t said: “The Prophet r was sitting and he heard some noise from people and children outside. There was a group of people gathered around some Abyssinians who were dancing. He r said, 'O A'ishah t come and see!' I put my cheek on his shoulder and looked through the gap. He then asked, 'O A'ishah, have you had enough, have you had enough?' I said, 'No,' just to see how much I meant to him, and I saw him shifting his weight from one foot to the other (i.e. he was tired but he was willing to stay as long as she wanted to watch the spectacle).” (Silsilah #7/818)

In another report, A'ishah t said: "By Allah, I saw the Prophet r standing at the door of my room, when some Abyssinians were playing with spears in the Mosque. The Messenger of Allah r screened me with his cloak so that I could watch the spear-play over his shoulder. He stayed there for my sake, until I had seen enough." (Ghayat al-Maram #385)

1. The Prophet r would overlook certain things to please his family: Allah instilled within Prophet Muhammad r the highest ethical code of manners. The Prophet r never hurt anyone’s feelings, and if discourtesy was displayed towards him, he overlooked it and did not become harsh towards that individual.

A’ishah t said: “The Messenger of Allah r came to my house while two girls were singing. The Prophet r lay down and turned his face to the other side. Abu Bakr t came to me and said: ‘The sound of Satan near the Prophet r?’ The Messenger of Allah r turned his face towards him and said, ‘Leave them.’” (Ibn Hibban #2504)

2. The Messenger’s desire to keep his family happy: Islamic guidelines dictate that a Muslim should be a jovial, good-spirited individual; although this is the case, one should refrain from ‘pulling off’ practical jokes that may cause one distress. A’ishah t said: “The Prophet r returned to my home after visiting the Baqee (cemetery) and I said to him, ‘I have a headache!’ He replied, ‘O A’ishah I am suffering from this as well!’ He r then said: “O A’ishah if you were to die before me, I would wash you, shroud you, pray upon you and then bury you.” Shortly after this, the Prophet r fell ill for the final time (in which he r died). (Ibn Hibban #6653)  

The Prophet r was always very jovial with his family. A’ishah t said: “I visited the Prophet r while he was at the house of Sodah t (one of his wives) and I had brought with me some food that I had cooked. I said to Sodah t ‘Eat!’ but she refused. I then threatened her, ‘Eat or else I will take this food and smear it on your face!’ A’ishah t then dipped her hand in the sauce and smeared some on her face, with this, Soda did the same and the Prophet r laughed. (Silsilah #7/363)

3. The Prophet’s laughter with his family: Laughing is a natural emotion. The Prophet r would laugh at the jokes that his family made. He r said: “To smile in the face of your brother is a source of reward.” (Adab Mufrad #684)  

A’ishah t said: “O Messenger of Allah r if you were to go into a valley and you saw a tree that was eaten from and one that was not eaten from; which one would you choose to tie your camel to?” The Prophet r responded, “I would tie my camel to the tree that was not eaten from.” A’ishah t was hinting that she was the only virgin wife that the Prophet r had married. (Bukhari #5077)

Issues of Intimacy and Compassion in Islam

Allah, the Exalted, says in the Quran:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)

Islam caters to the human side of things with which one is raised with. Islam does not allow fulfilling one's sexual desire in an uncontrolled animalistic manner. Islamic writer, Muhammad Qutb said:

“There is no problem with the issue of sex in Islam. Islam sets regulations through which one can satisfy his natural needs [among which is his sexual desire] and does not prevent him from doing so. The regulations set in Islam [regarding this topic] are similar to bridges set over a stream; it does not block the stream, rather organizes commuting back and forth. In this manner other goals can be achieved as well, which could not have been achieved [before the erection of the bridge]. This is exactly what Islam aims with man's sexual urge. It sets up regulations, not to prevent and suppress it; but organizes and regulates it, for these are the boundaries and limits of Allah. Allah says: “Do not transgress the boundaries of Allah.” These are the boundaries that Allah sets as safe limits within which man can disburse that energy, and with which goodness encompasses both individual and society.”[3]

The Prophet r forbade that one discard the beauties of this life and live a life of exile. When one of his Companions sought permission to become a celibate he forbade it. In another narration it states: 'Three people came to the houses of the Prophet r asking about the worship of the Prophet r. When they were informed of his worship, they saw it as little, and said: 'we are unlike the Prophet r; Allah has forgiven him his past and future sins!’ One of them said: 'As for me, I will continuously pray throughout the nights.' The other said: 'I will continuously fast and not break it.' The last one said: 'I will not approach women.' The Messenger r came and asked: 'Are you the ones who said this? Indeed, by Allah, I am the most god-fearing of you and pious, but I fast and break it, pray and take rest, and marry women, so whoever does not adhere to my Sunnah (i.e. my way) is not from me.'   (Muslim #1401)

The Prophet r commanded that Muslims get married. He r said: “O youth, those of you who can afford to get married, let them get married for it is morally uplifting and would protect one from committing unlawful sex.” (Bukhari #5065)

The Prophet r also informed Muslims that marriage is an act of worship. He r said: “When one of you approaches his family, it too is a charity (i.e. a rewarding deed).” The Companions y said: “O Messenger of Allah r if one of us approaches his wife desiring her, would he receive a reward on account of that?” The Messenger of Allah r said: “Won’t a person receive sin for approaching an unlawful woman? Similarly, when he approaches his wife, he will be rewarded.”   (Muslim #1006)

The Compassion of the Prophet r 

Here are some examples of the Prophet’s compassion towards his family:

1. The Prophet’s loyalty to his family:  The Prophet r commanded Muslims to approach their wives if they see a woman who stimulates their sexual desire, in order to relieve themselves from this desire in a lawful manner. By doing this a Muslim would safeguard himself from falling into evil, and would rid himself of the whispering of Satan. Jabir bin Abdullah t said: “The Messenger of Allah r saw a woman that appealed to him, and he went to the house of Zainab t and after coming out said: “A woman would be beautified in the eyes of man by Satan. If one of you sees a woman that appeals to him, let him then go to his family and release that tension with his family.” (Tirmidthi #1158) 

2. The Prophet’s desire to see his family: One shouldn’t spend too much time away from his family; if they happen to travel, they should try their best to come back as quickly as possible. The Prophet r said: “Indeed travelling is a tormenting experience; it would prevent one from enjoying their share of sleep, food and drink. If one of you finishes their duties, let them rush back home.” (Bukhari #3001)

3. Maintaining ties of compassion between husband and wife: Giving a gift is indeed a sign of love and companionship. The Prophet r said: “Give gifts, for indeed it removes hard-feelings from the hearts.” (Tirmidthi #2130)  

For love to be well-rooted in a family giving a gift upon returning from a trip is important. It has been narrated: “If one of you travels on a trip, let him return with a gift for his family.” (Ibn Hibban #1/316)

4. The Prophet r would pay attention to his family: Being attentive to your family’s needs and taking care of them are signs of a responsible spouse. Satan is always on the watch to harm a person and pull them away from what is ethical. The Prophet r said: “The eyes fornicate and their fornication is looking at prohibited things. The ears fornicate and their fornication is listening to prohibited things. The tongue fornicates and its fornication is speaking to women strangers. The hand fornicates and its fornication is to touch unlawful things. The feet fornicate and their fornication is walking to the prohibited. The heart wishes and desires; thereafter, one may actually fornicate or come close to doing it.” (Muslim #2657) 

The Prophet r left an amazing example in relation to this. A’ishah t said: “When believing women migrated and gave the Pledge of Allegiance to the Prophet r he accepted the Pledge by word of mouth. The hands of the Prophet r never touched the hand of any woman.” (Ibn Majah #2342)

5. The Prophet trusted his family: Any individual who achieves success in life, or reaches a position of power would be envied and quite naturally he would have enemies. When the hypocrites spread the false news of the story of ‘Ifk’, in which they accused A’ishah t of being unfaithful, the Prophet r said: "O Muslims! Who will relieve me from that man who has hurt me with his evil statement about my family? By Allah, I know nothing except good about my family!” (Bukhari #4750) 

6. The Prophet r openly professed his love for his family: Khadijah had an unforgettable role in the life of the Prophet r. He continued to remember and honor her till the day he died.' A'ishah t said, "I did not feel as jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet r as much as I did of Khadijah t because the Prophet r used to mention her very often." (Muslim #2435)

The Prophet r also said concerning Khadijah t, "Allah blessed me with her love." And he said, "I love everyone she loved." A’ishah t once said: “Hasn’t Allah given you someone better than her?” The Prophet r replied: “No, by Allah, Allah has not given me a better one in her place. She believed me when people belied me. She consoled me with her money when people deprived me, and from her alone I had children.” (Bukhari #1575)

7. The Prophet r appeared clean when he met his family: A Muslim is ordered to be of high ethical, moral character as well to be hygienic in all his affairs. The Prophet r said: “If one of you has sexual relations with his wife and afterwards wanted to return, let them perform the wudhu.” (Muslim)

When asked about this, he said: “It is purer, better and more hygienic.” (Abu Dawood #219)

8. The Prophet r was considerate: Family intimacy is between two individuals, the husband and wife. The Prophet r forbade that one approach his family while they are not ready. Imam Ibn Qudamah, may Allah have mercy on him, the Hanbali Jurist, mentioned that the Messenger of Allah r said: “Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire, like the desire you experience, lest you fulfill your desire before she does.” (Mughni 8:136)

The Prophet r also forbade that one leave his wife after intercourse while she has not had her orgasm.  

9. The Prophet’s passion towards his wives: True love is something that transcends all boundaries. It is displayed regardless of the situation one may be in, it doesn’t fluctuate. This is a lesson we learn from the life of our beloved Prophet r. Urwa, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “A man asked me: ‘Can a woman in menses serve me?’ I replied: A’isha t told me that she used to comb the Prophet’s hair while she was in her menses, and he was in Itikaf (i.e. staying in the mosque). He would bring his head near her in her room and she would comb his hair, while she was in her menses.’” (Bukhari #2030)

10. Never spread bedroom secrets: It is forbidden for both husband and wife to spread any ‘bedroom secrets’. The Prophet r said: “Verily among the worst people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who approaches his wife sexually and he spreads her secrets.” (Muslim #1437)

Asma bint Yazid t said that she heard the Prophet r saying: “Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife (with others) or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?” The people were silent. I said: “Yes! O Messenger of Allah verily both women and men do that!" The Prophet r said: “Do not do that. It is similar to two devils who meet each other on a path and they have sex while people look on.” (Irwa al-Ghalil 7/73)

11. The Prophet r would pamper his wives: The Prophet r would call A’ishah t ‘A’ish’ (a nickname for Aisha). One day the Prophet r addressed her saying: “This is Angel Gabriel conveying his greetings to you.” A’ishah t said: “May peace and blessings be upon him; O Messenger of Allah you can see what I can't see.” (Bukhari #6201)

The Prophet r would also call A’ishah t “al-Humaira” (i.e. white-skinned woman with blushed cheeks). (Silsilah #3277)

12. The Prophet r would take rest under the same sheet with his wife: The Prophet r would take rest with his family even while they were in their menstrual period. The Prophet r would sit with his wife, eat with her, drink with her, and show affectionate feelings towards her.  

A’ishah t said: “The Prophet r performed night prayers while standing close to me and I was in my menstrual period. At times, I would have a sheet over myself and a portion of that sheet would also be on the Prophet r. (Muslim #514)

A’ishah t also said: “The Prophet r was resting on my lap while I was in my menstrual period and he was reciting the Quran.” (Bukhari #297)

13. The Prophet r would bathe with his wife: The Prophet r was always keen to make his family feel happy in all situations. The Prophet r would bathe with his wife as A’ishah t said: “I was bathing with the Messenger of Allah r and we were using one water utensil, he r would rush to use the water before I could and I would say: “leave some for me, leave some for me!” (Nasa’ee #412)

14. The Prophet r would kiss his wife: Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it a habit that you kiss your wife. When you return home greet your wife and kiss her as well, to show her that you missed her dearly.

Physical interactions in a marriage are very important.  The famous saying is, “actions speak louder than words.”  Show your spouse that you love her.  A successful relationship depends upon the ‘little things’ we do for they play a big role in the success of a relationship. A’ishah t said: “One day the Messenger of Allah r wanted to kiss me, and I told him: ‘I am fasting!’ He responded: ‘I am fasting as well!’ and he kissed me in spite of that.” (Silsilah #4139)

The Human Nature of the Prophet

The Messenger of Allah r was a human being who was distinguished with Prophet-hood. Allah, the Exalted, commanded him to convey the message of Islam to humankind at large, so that they would be saved from the oppression of man-made systems and be delivered to the justice of God’s system. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“Say, ‘I am only a man like you, to whom has been revealed that your god is one God. So whoever would hope for the meeting with his Lord - let him do righteous work and not associate in the worship of his Lord anyone.’” (18:110) 

The Prophet r has no share in divinity; he doesn’t know the unseen nor can he extend harm or benefit to anyone. He doesn’t have power to change the forces of nature. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“Say, ‘I hold not for myself [the power of] benefit or harm, except what Allah has willed. And if I knew the unseen, I could have acquired much wealth, and no harm would have touched me. I am not except a warner and a bringer of good tidings to a people who believe.’” (7:188)

Even though the Prophet r was favored with this mission of preaching the Word of God, he was never arrogant about it. He r said: “Do not adulate me as the Christians adulated the son of Mary. Indeed, I am only the slave of God, so say: “The slave of God and His Messenger.” (Bukhari #3445)

The characteristics of the Prophet r are purely human; he is not immortal. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“Muhammad is not but a messenger. [Other] messengers have passed on before him. So if he was to die or be killed, would you turn back on your heels [to unbelief]? And he who turns back on his heels will never harm Allah at all; but Allah will reward the grateful.” (3:144)

The Prophet r was susceptible to all human conditions; he fell ill and became weak. Abdullah bin Masood t said: “I visited the Prophet r while he was sick, and he said: ‘No Muslim is inflicted with a sickness, even if it be a prick from a pine except that Allah would forgive his sins on account of that discomfort. His sins would be removed from his record in a manner similar to the way leaves fall off a tree.’” (Bukhari #5641)

The Prophet r experienced sadness as anyone would; in fact, he experienced all human emotions. When the Prophet’s son Ibrahim fell extremely ill and it was evident that he would not survive the sickness, the Prophet r proceeded immediately to see his son. Tears flowed from his eyes and after he died, the Prophet r said: “The eyes are full of tears, the heart is saddened, but we do not say anything except that which pleases Allah. Indeed, O Ibrahim, we are bereaved by your departure from us.” (Muslim #2315)

The Prophet r also became oblivious on certain occasions. Abu Hurairah t said, “The Messenger of Allah r led us in a prayer and he performed only two units of the prayer and then ended it prematurely. People wondered whether the prayer was shortened and the Companions were hesitant to speak to the Prophet r. It was then that a man known as Dhul-Yadain asked the Prophet r: ‘O Messenger of Allah! Have you forgotten or has the prayer been shortened?’ The Prophet r replied, ‘I have neither forgotten nor has the prayer been shortened!’ He then said: ‘You have forgotten O Messenger of Allah!’ The Prophet r then inquired: ‘Is what Dhul Yadain has said true?’ They (the people) said, ‘Yes, it is true.’ The Prophet r stood up and completed the remainder of the prayer that was forgotten by him.” (Bukhari #482)

The Prophet r is not infallible when it comes to matters that pertain to the life of this world. The Prophet r passed by an orchard and he saw a group of people pollinating a field of date palms. He said I don’t think this will benefit in the least. When this reached them, they refrained from doing it. The Prophet r then said: “This is just a thought, for indeed I am a human being like you; thoughts can be correct and incorrect.” He then went on to say: “I didn’t say ‘Allah said’ for I will never forge a lie against Allah!” (Ahmed #2/366)

The Prophet’s Humane Behavior

1. Towards people in general: The Prophet r was very humane in his treatment of others. He r said: “O Allah Muhammad is only a human being; he becomes angry as others become angry. So any believer I have hurt, or spoken harshly towards or have punished, make that for him a source of forgiveness and a means of becoming closer to You O Allah on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim #2601)

2. In judicial rulings: The Prophet r was humane when he issued judicial rulings. He r said: “I am only a human being, when you come to me to determine who is right or wrong, one of you may be more able in presenting his side and I would be convinced by it. I will judge by what I hear, so whoever I judge in their favor and give them what does not belong to them, let them not take it, for indeed he is being dealt a portion of the Fire.” (Bukhari #7169)

3. In his social life: The Prophet r was humane in his social life. He got married and encouraged others to get married and have offspring. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants. And it was not for a messenger to come with a sign except by permission of Allah. For every term is a decree.” (13:38)

4. The Prophet’s humane behavior towards his family: The Messenger of Allah r would show concern over the wellbeing of his family. He safeguarded them from anything that would harm their honor or affect their reputation. The Prophet’s concern in relation to this was very moderate, he didn’t exceed the bounds. The Prophet r said: “Indeed showing concern or displaying a sense of honor is of two types: the first which is beloved to Allah, and the second which is despised by Allah. As for the portion beloved to Allah, it is when concern that is shown in a situation where one’s reputation may be harmed. As for the portion despised by Allah it is when concern is shown when there is no reason to be concerned.” (Nas’aee #2557)

5. The Messenger’s forgiving nature: The Messenger of Allah r overlooked the jealousy of his wives and dealt with it in the best manner. His attitude was so beautiful that it immediately diffused any tension. Anas bin Malik t said: “While the Messenger of Allah r was at the home of one of his wives another one of his wives had sent a plate of food to him; that wife struck the hand of the servant so that the plate fell on the ground and the dish broke.” The Prophet r simply said: “Your mother has become jealous” and he kept the broken dish in the home where he was and sent a replacement back to the other wife. (Bukhari #5225)

6. The Prophet’s loyalty to his family: Loyalty, fidelity, reciprocating beautiful gestures all indicate the beauty of one’s character. Whenever Khadijah t was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet r he would speak highly of her and praise her greatly. A’ishah t said: “I felt jealous so one day I said to the Prophet r “Hasn’t Allah given you better than her?” He r said: No, by Allah, Allah has not given me a better one in her place. She believed me when people belied me. She consoled me with her money when people deprived me, and from her alone I had children.” (Bukhari #1575)

7. The Prophet’s beautiful manner in dealing with his family: During the Prophet’s entire life and before the advent of the message of Islam, it was never recorded that he ever struck a woman! Every home has its problems and the Prophet’s homes were no exception. A’ishah t said: “The Messenger of Allah never hit any woman, nor did he use vulgar language” When the people of Quraish struck the Prophet r during the Battle of Uhud and his tooth was broken and he was bleeding from a wound, and it was said to him: “O Messenger of Allah, supplicate to Allah against them!” The Messenger r replied: “Allah did not send me to curse or mock others; rather, he sent me as a guide and a source of mercy” He then said: “O Allah guide my people for they know not!” (Baihaqi #2/622)

8. The compassion of the Prophet r towards his family: The Messenger of Allah r married nine wives; each marriage had its specific reasons. The reason the Prophet r married his wife Sodah bint Zam’ah t was solely to show her love and compassion. When the Prophet r married her she was fifty-five years old, five years older than the Prophet r. This marriage union shocked the people of Makkah for Sodah was not beautiful neither did she possess anything that any man would desire. The Prophet r only married her to show her compassion, for she had arrived in Madinah from Abyssinia as a widow. After a period of time, the Prophet r contemplated divorcing her, so that she would not be burdened with the duties of a wife towards a husband, but instead, she insisted: “O Messenger of Allah, do not divorce me, keep me as your wife and I will give my day to A’ishah t.” Allah revealed the following verse on account of this: “There is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best” for she wanted to be the wife of the Messenger r in the Afterlife. (Tirmidthi #3040)

9. Mercy towards his family: The Messenger of Allah r entered the Masjid and saw ropes tied between two pillars and he asked: “What is this for?” He was told, “It is for your wife Zainab t when the recitation of prayer is too long she holds it.” The Prophet r said: “Remove it! Let one of you pray as much as they can; once they feel tired sit down.” (Nasa’ee #1642)

The Prophet r did not want his family to be overcome by difficulty, so he mentioned the importance of praying as much as one could.

10. The Messenger’s Forbearing Nature:  The Messenger of Allah r was the most forbearing individual. He would at times hear his family’s words that may have hurt his feelings, but he would not react in a state of emotion. Instead, he would forgive and easily overlook these matters. He usually would respond simply by smiling and by showing his wives a great amount of love. One day A’ishah t raised her voice over the Prophet’s voice and Abu Bakr t heard this and he became so angry that he came to hit his daughter. The Prophet r prevented Abu Bakr t from doing anything. When he left, the Prophet r told A’ishah t: “What do you say about what I just did? I saved you from that man!” Abu Bakr t visited them after a few days and found that the Prophet r and A’ishah were laughing together, and he said: “Allow me to partake in your happiness!” They said to him, “Yes indeed, yes indeed!” (Abu Dawood #4999)

11. Ease in relationships: The Prophet r said: “You have been sent to make things easy and not make them difficult.” This is the basis upon which the Prophet r dealt with people and it was the basis of his conduct in general. A’ishah t said: “A gift of some food was given to Hafsa t and I, and we both broke our fast, when the Messenger of Allah saw us we told him: “O Messenger of Allah, this food was given to us  as a gift, so we felt like eating it and we ate.” The Prophet r said: “Do not worry, fast a day in place of this one that you have broken.”

12. Generosity towards one’s wife: The best morsel of food and sip of water is that which you give to your family. The Prophet r said: “You will not put anything in the path of Allah except that you will be rewarded for it, even a morsel of food you put in the mouth of your wife.” (Bukhari #4409)   

13. He never was bored with his family: The Messenger of Allah r was very sensitive towards his wives feelings, and he wouldn’t become upset on account of what they did. A’ishah t said: “I was with the Prophet r on a trip and a necklace of mine was broken (and lost). The Messenger of Allah r stayed there to search for it, and so did the people along with him. There was no water at that place, so the people went to Abu Bakr t and said: “Don’t you see what A’ishah t has done? She has made the Messenger of Allah r and the people stay where there is no water and they have no water with them!” A’ishah t said my father came to me while the Messenger of Allah r was sleeping with his head on my thigh and he said to me: “You have detained the Messenger of Allah r and the people where there is no water and they have no water with them!” So he admonished me and said what Allah wished him to say and hit me on my shoulder with his hand. Nothing prevented me from moving (because of pain) other than the fact that the Prophet r was on my thigh. The Messenger of Allah r got up when dawn broke and there was no water. So Allah revealed the verses of Tayammum (dry ablution), so they all performed Tayammum.” A’ishah t said: “When the camel on which I was riding moved from its place, the necklace was found beneath it.” (Bukhari #330)

14. Giving thoughtful gifts: When husband and wife exchange roses this would indicate the love that is present between them. The Prophet r said: “Whoever is offered a basil flower let him not reject it; it is easy to carry and has a good smell.” (Muslim #2253)

15. Good attire and appearance: Having a good appearance and a good scent is something that would cause others to feel comfortable with you. A’ishah t said: “I could see the glimmer of perfume on the Prophet’s head while he was in the state of Ihram.” (Nasa’iee #2692)

When A’ishah t was asked: “What would the Prophet r do when he entered your home?” She t said: “When he entered he r would start with Siwak.” (i.e. he would clean his teeth) (Ibn Majah #238)

The Prophet r would always stay in a state of purity and cleanliness. Anas bin Malik t said: “I never smelt any scent more pleasant than the scent of the Prophet r himself.” (Muslim #2330)

16. Informing others that he loved his wives: The Prophet r openly announced his love for his family to train his Companions y to be passionate towards their families. Amr b. Al-Aas t asked him: “Who is the most beloved of all people to you?” He said: “A’ishah!” He then responded, “I meant from among the men.” He said: “Then her father.” He asked: “Then who?” he said: “Then Umar”. (Bukhari #4358)

17. Fearing for the safety of his family: Fear is a natural emotion, which the Prophet r experienced. He didn’t want them to be harmed by anything. Anas and Abu Talhah y saw the Prophet r riding with Safiyah t and while on the road the camel tripped and the Prophet r and his wife Safiyah t fell off. When the Companions y saw this, they rushed towards him and he said: “I am ok!” and he showed great concern over Safiyah t. (Bukhari #6185)

18. Wellbeing of the family in the Afterlife: The Prophet r loved goodness for his family and was very keen that they be in a state of good affairs, especially when it came to achieving the pleasure of Allah. Allah, the Exalted, says:

 “Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” (3:185)

The Messenger of Allah r would take care of his family and guide them to the rewarding deeds. Umm Salamah t said: “The Messenger of Allah r got up startled and said: ‘Subhanallah (far removed is God from every imperfection) what great reward has Allah revealed today and what great Fitnah has been sent down. Who will wake up the ones sleeping in these rooms (i.e. his wives) to pray at night, for indeed a person may be clothed in this life but in the Afterlife would be naked.” (Bukhari  #7069)

19. Prohibition of spying on the family and trusting them: The Prophet r disapproved of one’s overprotective behavior towards their family. The Prophet r advised his companions not to distrust their wives. This advice is embodied in the action of the Prophet r; whenever he returned home from a trip, his family would be informed that he was in town, so that they could prepare to meet him. In this manner his family would appear in the best way for him. (Abu Dawood #2778)

20. The generosity of the Prophet r: The Prophet r was had a keen sense of generosity. He r said: “If Allah has blessed one of you with goodness, let them share that goodness with their family.” (Sahih al-Jami #358)

The Prophet r always applied what he preached. Anas t said that Umm Sulaim t sent a gift of fresh dates to the Messenger r from which he took a few for himself and sent the rest to his wives. (Sahih al-Mawarid #2145)

21. Humble nature of the Prophet r: Whoever humbles himself, Allah will elevate their status. The Prophet r never thought less of anyone around him, he never put them down. This is how he was in terms of his ethical behavior. Anas t said: “The Prophet r went down on one knee so that Safiyah t could step on it to mount her camel.” (Bukhari #4211)

22. Knowing the Emotional Side of his Wives: The Prophet r would invest the time required to find out how his wives felt. He told A’ishah t: “Indeed I know when you are happy with me and when you are upset with me!” She asked: “how is that?” He said: “When you are happy with me, you say: ‘By the Lord of Prophet Muhammad’ and when you are upset with me, you say: ‘By the Lord of Prophet Ibrahim.’” (Bukhari #5228)

The Prophet’s Social Side with His Family

1. Gentleness towards the family: The Prophet r was very gentle towards his family. The Prophet r instructed us saying: “Gentleness is not used to complete something except that it would be embellished.” The Prophet r said to A’ishah t: “O A’ishah, when Allah wants good for a household, its members would treat each other kindly.” (Targhib #2669)

One should not boss their family around unnecessarily or give them chores that are impossible to complete or treat them rudely when they are good towards him.

One has to control their emotions at all times, especially during arguments. A’ishah t said: “A group of Jews entered upon the Prophet r and they said to him ‘As-Saam Alaikum’, (i.e. death be upon you). I understood what they meant, and said to them: ‘May death be upon you! May the curses of Allah fall upon you as well!’ The Messenger of Allah r calmly said: ‘O A’ishah t slow down, Allah loves that you approach all your affairs in a kind manner.’ I said to the Messenger of Allah r: ‘did you not hear what they said to you?’ He r said: ‘That is why I responded by saying “and may it be upon you.”’” (Bukhari #6401)

2. Serving his family: The Prophet r continually helped with household chores. A’ishah t described what exactly that entailed. She t said: “He would repair his shoes and sew his clothes.”

3. The Prophet would serve himself: The Prophet r would take care of his affairs by himself. He would not demand his wife to serve him. A’ishah t said the Prophet r would clean his clothes, milk the sheep, and serve himself. (Sahih al-Jami #496)

4. Spending on his family: Generosity and spending on the family are principles that the Prophet r planted in the hearts of his Companions. He r said: “Indeed Allah is generous and loves generosity.” (Tirmidthi #2799)

The Prophet r was asked: “What is the best form of charity?” He r said: “The money you spend on your family is the greatest in reward.” (Muslim #995)

The matter of taking care of the needs of your wife is not a favor done towards one’s wife, but a duty upon the Muslim husband. The Prophet r was asked: “What is the duty of a husband towards his wife?” He r said: “To feed her as you would yourself, to clothe her as you would yourself and that you not hit her face or curse her and you should not forsake her except in the house.” (Abu Dawood #2142)

5. Comforting the family: The Prophet r sought comfort for his family as he would try his best to avoid all difficulties. Anas t said: “The Prophet r was travelling and a young boy was singing a tune that would make the camels walk at a faster pace. The Prophet r called out to him: ‘Slow down!’ for he feared for the safety of his family.” (Bukhari #6210)

6. Forbearing nature of the Prophet r: The Prophet was always smiling, even when he faced problems at home. Umar t said: “The men of Quraish would overcome their wives and would make them succumb to their will, but in Madinah, the women of the Ansar would overcome their men! Our women picked up these habits from the women of the Ansar. One day my wife was upset with me and yelled at me and I was shocked that this took place and I reprimanded her for that. With this, my wife said, “Why do you reprimand me? Indeed the wives of the Prophet r do the same, and some of his wives even give him the ‘cold shoulder’ for a day till night!” This shocked me and I told her, “Any of them who does this is in a state of loss!” Umar t then went to the house of his daughter Hafsa, the wife of the Prophet r. Umar t then verified what he had heard from his own wife and Hafsa t concurred. Umar t then exclaimed: “You are in a state of loss! Do you have any guarantee that the punishment of Allah would not descend upon you on account of Allah’s anger?” He t then said: “Do not yell or give him the cold shoulder, if there is anything you want, ask me and I shall help you.” (Bukhari #5191)

7. Fulfilling the wishes of his wives: The Prophet r would immediately respond and take care of his family’s needs. A’ishah t asked the Prophet r: “All your wives have a Kunya (nickname), what shall my Kunya be?” The Prophet r said: “Call yourself Umm Abdullah (i.e. mother of Abdullah)”. This is what A’ishah t was called until she died. (Silsilah 1/255)

8. Caring for his wives: The Prophet r took care of his family in the best manner when they fell ill. A’ishah t said: “Whenever one of the wives of the Prophet r fell ill, the Prophet r would recite the last chapters of the Quran upon them.” (Muslim #2192)

9. Greeting his family: The Prophet r would sit after Fajr with his companions until sunrise after which he would visit his wives. He would greet each one and make supplications for them. (Majma az-Zawaid #5/11)

10. Seeking counsel from his wives: During the peace-treaty with the disbelievers of Quraish, he r then commanded his Companions y to slaughter their animals and shave their heads. The Companions were so saddened that they were not allowed to enter Makkah and perform the Umrah that not a single one of them got up to carry out this order. After repeating this command three times, no one got up to perform his orders, so the Prophet r entered upon his wife, Umm Salamah t and he told her what had happened. Upon hearing his complaint, she told him to go out and not talk to anyone until he slaughtered his animal and had shaved his head. The Prophet r took her advice and acted upon it promptly, and when the Companions saw the Prophet r slaughter his animal and shave his head, they all did the same immediately. (Al-Istidhkaar 3/611)

11. The Prophet r sought permission from his wives: One of the beautiful characteristics of the Prophet r was that he never was unfair, even while he was ill. A’ishah t said: “The Messenger of Allah r sent to all his wives during his last sickness and said: “I cannot visit you all as I usually do, I seek your permission to stay with A’ishah t.” His other wives agreed and allowed him to stay with her. (Abu Dawood #2137)

In another narration, the Prophet r said: “Where shall I stay tomorrow? Where shall I stay tomorrow?” He was looking forward to Aisha’s turn, so all his wives allowed him to stay where he wished, and he stayed at ‘Aisha’s house until he died. A’ishah t added: He died on the day of my usual turn, at my house. He died while his head was against my chest.” (Bukhari #890)

12. Involving the family: The Messenger of Allah r would always involve his family. Anas t said: “One of the Prophet’s neighbors prepared a splendid meal for him, and he invited the Prophet r. The Prophet r pointed at his wife saying: ‘What about her?’ The man said: ‘No’, so the Prophet r declined saying: ‘I will not attend!’ The man then invited the Prophet r once again and the Prophet r asked him: ‘What about her?’ The man once again said: ‘No’, so the Prophet r declined his invitation yet again. The man then invited the Prophet r for a third time and when the Prophet r asked about A’ishah t he invited her as well, so the Messenger of Allah r accepted his invitation.” (Muslim #2037)

13. Correcting mistakes: The Prophet r used great wisdom when correcting the mistakes. One day A’ishah t said: “Safiyah is very short…” she said this in a derogatory manner and the Prophet r immediately stopped her from saying anything further and said: “You said a word, by Allah, were it mixed with the ocean it would have spoiled its water.” (Targhib 4/8)

Safiyah t heard Hafsa t saying “Safiyah is the daughter of a Jewish man!” When she heard this, she wept! The Prophet r asked her: “Why do you weep?” She said: “Hafsa has said about me, ‘You are a daughter of a Jewish man!’” The Prophet r calmly told her: “You are indeed the daughter of a Prophet and your Uncle is a Prophet and you are married to a Prophet! So how can she put you down?” The Prophet r then told Hafsa: ‘Fear Allah O Hafsa!’  (Tirmidthi #3894)

14. The Prophet r accepted the excuses of his family: There is no doubt that mistakes may occur during marriage, a husband may do something wrong, as well a wife may do something wrong. When a spouse accepts the excuse of his family this would be indicative of the good mannerisms that the spouse possesses. One day the Prophet r was waiting for A’ishah t and she was a bit delayed. The Prophet r asked her: “What held you back?” She t said: “O Messenger of Allah r I heard a beautiful recitation, I have never heard anything like it!” The Prophet r then went and listened and he came back after a long period of time and said: “This is Salim the freed slave of Abu Hudhaifah.” (Takhrij al-Ihya 1/371)

15. Making his family happy: The Prophet r was keen on making his family happy. A’ishah t said: “The Messenger of Allah r asked me: ‘Are you not pleased that you shall be my wife both in this life and in the next?’ A’ishah t responded: ‘Of course!’” (Silsilah  #3011)

16. Kindness towards his family: The Messenger of Allah r dealt with those around him in the most gracious manner. A’ishah t said: “When the Prophet r was with his wives, he was the kindest person, the most generous of all people and was always smiling and laughing.” (Jami as-Saghir #6661)

17. Forgiving nature towards his family: The Prophet r was a very forgiving man. Even if a person intentionally made an error, he pardoned that individual. When the Prophet r conquered Makkah and the people who were once his enemies stood before him, he asked them: “What do you think I shall do to you?” They said: “You are a gracious brother and a gracious cousin.” He then said: “Go, for you are all free!” The Prophet r could have taken the opportunity to avenge the previous hardships and sufferings he faced from them, but instead he let them free. His family had the greatest share of this grace, when the Prophet r asked his wives: “Do you have any lunch?” When the response was in the negative, he simply said: “I am fasting.” (Nasa’ee #2323)

18. The Prophet r would give his family what they yearned for: The Prophet r would make a habit of trying his best to give his family what they yearned for as long as that matter was not one that was prohibited. A’ishah t said: “O Messenger of Allah, all your Companions have performed the Hajj and Umrah (lesser pilgrimage) except for me!” The Prophet r asked her: “Didn’t you perform Tawaf (circumambulate the Ka’bah) when you first arrived?” She said: “No.” The Prophet r then said “Go with your brother to the area of Tan’eem and make intention to perform Umrah.” (Bukhari #1762)

Conclusion

Marriage relations between husband and wife in Islam are built upon ideals of love, mutual respect and mercy. Women are respected and loved as wives, daughters and in all other roles. The Prophet r said: “He is not from us who does not have mercy on the young nor knows the honor the elder deserve.” (Ibn Hibban #3377)

In Islam there is no ‘battle of the sexes’; both men and women are created to complement each other; each has their distinct set of qualities and traits. Men have deficient qualities within their character which are rendered adequate through a wife. The same holds true for a woman, this is why Islam has obligated specific duties upon women that would not overburden her; the same holds true for men. When this balance is managed properly the result would be equilibrium of harmony. Allah, the Exalted, says:

“And Allah has made for you from yourselves mates and has made for you from your mates sons and grandchildren and has provided for you from the good things. Then in falsehood do they believe and in the favor of Allah they disbelieve?” (16:72)

When Islamic law dictates that certain things are unlawful for a man, but lawful for a woman or vice versa this is based on God’s infinite knowledge of the emotional, social, psychological build of both sexes. It is wrong that one be obligated to do something that they cannot handle! This scenario is similar to a car that is designed to run on fuel, but instead it has been filled with diesel; the car will not function properly nor move forward!

Passion, love, romance are matters that ultimately are derived from the teachings of Prophet Muhamamd r. It is from him that we learn these lofty manners and ethical ideals. These matters are not theory that can never translate into practice; in reality, these mannerisms are very easily applied and upheld. If people were to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad r this would alleviate the problems people face all over the world including marital problems. The rights of both spouses have been outlined within the framework of Islamic Law. When one upholds these teachings they are in fact performing an act of worship that is highly rewarding in the sight of God.

As for what may occur between some Muslim families in relation to marital problems, it is solely based on the fact that they are not following the example of Prophet Muhammad r.